everyone said how brave I was.. I didnt believe that.. not totaly at least.. if you feel that choke in your throat, you understand you have to die or survive.. and both are not quite easy.. I couldn't breath..
I did want to be able to live there with my beautiful friends and family.. and the land that smell of it's soil is recorded in every single cell of my memory..
so I did want to live there.. I cried just when I was packing up my library.. I was proud of it.. every single book still in my mind.. and every single movie.. every night when I lay down to my bed, they said something and I fall asleep when by thinking about it..
and I cried when my friend left behind the security line.. and seeing on the world map how fucking far we were going away from my mother.. she is the amazing lonely soul of my family...
well.. I came here.. had to fight for my life.. I had help.. I had trouble too.. I had bad days and good days.. just like I did in Turkey..
just..
when you walk on the street, you have time to think and space to walk without crashing into anyone.. you have a sit in trains.. and machinist apologises if the train was late..
you may be drunk in the middle of the night and having a drink in a pub by yourself and wearing a tiny skirt.. that doesn't mean you are a slut here.. It doesn't mean you deserve sticky drunks all over you.. you can walk around with your bikini top and noone really cares.. Drag queens or gays don't get killed here.. girls don't get touched by freaks on the busy streets.. not many people spit their disgusting green mucus with a water pipe cleaning noise from throat..
beautiful nature... I haven't seen any wild koala or kangoroo... I saw few poisoness snakes and spiders.. never heard anyone killed or bitten or even frighten by sharks...
after a couple of horrible, couple of good flirts, non of them worked fortunatelly 'cause I fell in love with this guy.. about to test him by leaving behind and going to Turkey... and he said he wouldn't let that happen.. and he would follow...
super fast purposal and small wedding ceremony at the beach.. then my mum and family.. and a big wedding in Turkey too.. happy ever after..
quiting smoking and money issues don't help but we are hanging in there.. being grateful to having eachother.. and I am missing my friends and family.. I have friends and family here too.. not the same though..
