5.05

unnecessary comparisons..
cans dont have this little finger thing to open it.. you always need a can opener..
 i should better sleep.. a new tattoo.. a camera.. a speaker.. a headphone.. a helmet.. a yellow glasses.. a new dress.. one more new dress..a plum tree.. a mango tree.. some strawberries..  new registarition.. agancy.. course..  fabrics.. a summer bag.. presents.. running.. capoeira.. turkish food from auburn.. röksopp tickets.. sydney fest tickets.. more music.. more movies....... travel.. travel.. travel.. new job.. new couch..

pieces from dark side of the moon (february 2011)

i thought i knew what is better but i was wrong.. all my behave were about my self-anger which reflected to you to blame.. forgive me.. i am ruining everything around me.. no good at least for a simple plant.. cause i have no enough power to do anything or object .. that's why i wanna go to the furthest away maybe.. so i will.. but at first i need  you all to  forgive me.. i am the worst cause if i look i saw i realised and i cared but did not do anything but complaining..  here my punishment.. am still all alone like you cant imagine, chewing my soul like a tobacco till sedated my brain to sleep...

turkish mum academy awards... fırst lady of seventh sky

annem, birileri bulmuş buluşturmuş taaaa ordan.. la havle... neyse.. bi teyze aradı bugün..

--oya idi di mi adın?

--evet

--ben bilmemkim teyzenin tanıdığıyım?

ulan göbeğim çatladı neyse hatırladık...

--evet

--e annen merak etmiş seni

--evet onun işi o.. o merak eder..

--ben de dün döndüm türkiye’den.. biz 73’te geldik buraya.. bize bekliyorum bir gün mutlaka.. geleceksin ben de onlara haber vericem.. haber bekliyolar benden..

Artık kadıncağıza neler dendiyse orda, o da beni tehdit ediyo yani..

---tabi.. rahatsız ederim bi gün mutlaka..

neyse verdi adresi.

--dur olmadı oğlum burda. o sana mesaj atıcak..

--tamam

dedim ama sinir krizindeyim.. abi gelen mesajı imlasıyla falan aynen yazıyorum..

345 bilmemne street...... Nezaman istersen by numarayı arayın Ve seni alır getiririm, hic cekinme Ve sıkıntın olursa ara beni benim ismim haydar

ağladım lan gülmekten.......

annem sen teeee ankaradan buraya yetip beni darladı ya.. anne oskarımı isterim...

hayır bir yandan da olaydaki iyi niyet ve yardımseverlik de başka ama.. ben şimdi tanımadığım türk teyze ve amcalara misafirliğe gitmeye mi geldim buraya anneeeeee? Bunca yolu.. ya neyse off.. 

very honest self description

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/25l8zF/animalpicture.ru/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/145.jpg

because its full moon..
they say i am a funny person.. i believe cause i am having fun..
 i talked to a bird in english.. not because i started to think in english.. just because i am a fool sometimes and i thought that was the language he/she can understand me :) but he did not :) i think he was some kind of in love with me.. all the blowing up, flirting singing stuff.. that bird was the only thing i like in that fucking Olivo rest in darling harbour..
today, i asked a friend that am i a bitch? answer was awesome: yes but we like you being bitch :)
i quit smoking.. i started smoking.. i quit smoking..
i just realized i cant eat coriander.. this is second thing i cant eat after parsley.. sad..
i can not ride when i am drunk.. i tried n failed..
recently someone asked how i create myself.. i couldnt say i write.. cause i was about to throwing up.. physically and mentally.. hangover in both..
nature is the most interesting thing on earth for me.. i can not understand as a concept the eternity..
 i like to talk about, nature, books, movies, music, people (yep i love gossips), ideas, crazy drunk n high stories..
i know some women (not many) more beautiful, more intelligent, more attractive.. but if its all about sex, you can find it anyway.. if its about being yourslef i am the unique like everyone and also unusual actually..

tarnation

Tarnation             
 worths to an hour n 31 minutes.. i still dont know what tarnation does mean.. but i like the movie..
here the trailer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLDQL23nutw

Under-Down Part 1

Under-Down
Yeah,
You guys are right.. I have to write my travel story before it gets too late.. I havent before cause i did not want to lie.. I wanted to wait till it gets better but it did not yet.. one of you is really angry with me now.. Well... I decided to write my down under story with all the details.. Why I am writing in Eng. I have couple reason for that.. you will see soon.. 
28th June 2011.. I did not cry till that moment that I left Mehmet, Ugur, Gul and Pinar on security line at the airport.. I was shaking and crying as much as a security guy wanted to help me.. He gave me the direction to find true gate without asking.. and another security guy tried to joke about my tattoo while checking my passport.. I tough I must seem very sad cause everyone wants to help me.. 
Turkish Airlines plane leaves Istanbul behind and I cry.. cry a lot.. I was thinking mostly mom.. She must be really sad.. 9 seat lines were on the plane but no place to straight your legs.. if you are sitting on the window side, wake the two people up next to you and go to the toilet more then twice.. yes, try for me please... 9 hours my love.. anxious, feared, weird 9 hours.. toilets were terribly dirty.. THY gave toothpaste, toothbrush, eye mask, socks.. yes weird funny green sucks to wear on the plane... and breakfast, but it was already 3 pm on Hong Kong when we arrived.. 
29th of June..I am in Hong Kong.. tired, sleepy, have swallowed feet, legs.. There is a train line special for airport.. interesting and useful... I have computer case also my documents on it (I had biggest size monitor ever to watch movies), backpack (full of books that could not fit to the my luggage as 20 kilos permitted), jacket, bag... no luggage left.. Hong Kong fucked staff said “you have to carry them yourself, no luggage left!!” I could stop myself to say fuck you..Its raining.. I have 5 hours to Quantas boarding.. It takes 30 minutes go to city center by train.. Nowhere to go around airport.. So stay at the airport, look around you.. There were smoking lounges on ever floor.. Women dont wash their hands when they r out of toilet.. disgusting.. When try to find a good restaurant to eat, I was shocked.. Prices were like between 80-120 dollars.. Oha I said.. What the fuckk (I love to say this hehe).. Then I went to the money exchange and found out that the Hong Kong dollar is like 10 percent of Euro.. prices make sense now.. whatever.. I had a very good noddle soup that I am done with it after 3 weeks in Sydney.. my chopstick fight was worth to see ((: the most surprising thing about hongkong airport was the silence.. It was so quite.. just couple kids sometimes were speaking loudly.. 
Anyway, Ouantas was not different from THY.. same torch.. dishes were worse.. 
30th of June.. I am in Sydney finally.. 8 am.. The whether is soft and sunny.. like a sunny fall day in Istanbul.. I went to train station, got the ticket 17 dollars to centrel station.. I still can not believe that I am here.. I am hopeful and happy.. got a taxi 10 dollars to Oner’s place.. knocked the door.. no one opened.. knocked again and started to think how can I go to Buraks place and is he at home? Then Franka (Oner’s girlfriend) opened the door and hugged me very welcome very warm.. That was healer.. cool girl, I love her.. met the their housemates.. One of them showed me the bethroom, everyone is so helpful.. Fatih showed a bit around city.. got the vodafone simcard.. ate lunch.. Applied to RSA (the certificate that allowed to work at restaurants and pubs, clubs not with gambling machine ones).. 65 dollars to RSA 60 to vodafone.. 
Then evening.. Burak and others came from work.. We went out to city.. Streets are definitely foreign.. went to couple pubs where I dont remember now.. I was like 3 days sleepless and it was morning in Istanbul when we go to the bed after midnight.. Then Burak drove us to his place in Lidcombe by track.. next day, we went to the bluemountains.. It was awesome.. beautiful, huge, great... walked all day long cause we were lost in the forest.. saw the tree sisters of Aborgins. it was fun.. then came back home..

I woke up because we had to go to sell waffles.. It s Sunday.. Burkay, Burak and I went to the local bazaar but Burkays generator did not worked.. so we ate waffles like for the next 4-5 days for breakfast (: next day Ian and I decided to watch a movie.. fall asleep on the couch.. Ian teach me to ride a bike... (: I will be grateful for that all my life.. We went to olympic park by riding.. awesome (: I asked him why he is so patient with me and what can I do for him.. He said if there is no possibility about any sexual condition then a dinner ahahaha.. I said ok you will have dinner.. I couldnt sit on my butt for a while.. Next day I stayed at home and just took care of myself and cleaned the room.. Everything was alright.. and the next day we (Burkay, Sarah, Ian) went to the Manly beach by ferry.. Ian played that song became my favorite lastly.. Freelance Whales.. I had the worst Thai food ever on the road back home.. couldnt eat.. even couldnt stand the smell.. the time we spent at the manly beach was one of the photographic moments of my life.. 
I cooked lentil soup for them.. and İrmik but it was really bad.. 7 days later finally I prepared a CV and started to look for a job.. Ian walked with me around the city.. I went in the every pub and restaurant I like and left my CV.. Then I got 2 job in 1 day.. I worked that day as a trainer.. All the waitress and bartenders are wearing black here.. I dont have a black shoes.. Ian took me to a Vinnie (second hand).. I was thinking why he is so helpful and kind this much.. whatever.. concentrate on job.. first training was bad.. I can say that now.. I have no idea about waitressing.. It is a job.. 
Then my weird life has began.. I am a waitress in Sydney.. 
then in the morning Burak asked me to move to Oners place.. He said it would be better for me because Oner lives in the citycenter so its easier to get a job.. beside, Elif is coming to his place.. then I moved to Oners couch.. Monday.. I couldnt get the first training job.. Spanish rest. did not call.. I have no job, no place, no friend yet.. sucks.. 
Anyway the second restaurant called.. and also Ediz took me to his work.. they also hired me.. I got two job so I started to look for a room.. I was sleeping Oners couch.. everyone in that house is super nice and helpfull.. I am grateful for that.. Oner and Franka are so cool and nice people.. We hangout together for a while.. we walked to the Bondi from Cooje.. Ocien.. amazing.. vawes.. birds.. everything.. 
you should see all these.. parrots are like any birds here.. there is a big one like you wouldnt believe they can fly.. ugly but interesting.. there are also seagulls, peagons, sparrows, crows.. but also many different ind of others.. 
Aussies dont care about cold.. no heater at houses.. they wear so thin.. We are freezing, they wear shorts tshirts.. all women in surryhills wear like superfashionable.. snop.. a bit.. but everyone is so kind and helpful when you ask something.. 
Sydney is the most expensive city I’ve ever been or heart.. 1 lt of coke is 4 dollars.. 1 kilo of orange (and we are in winter here) is 15 dollars.. vegetable and fruit is the most expensive thing.. room share rents between 170-350 dollar per week.. most of the pubs are closing at midnight.. not much live music.. 
Every one in three man is gay.. 
Women not so beautifull like swedish or dauch.. but so pretencious..
Sunday.. I was working at a spanish restaurant..Elle, bartender, japaneese-russian girl.. She is so dark like indian.. I did not get how come.. She is cool so nice.. Cathrine, the owner, chef.. she is real mother of us.. calm happy nice cool woman.. Brock, manager.. nice.. I love him.. so kind, so understandible.. Remmy and Jordan.. other waiter brothers.. they are always arguing about something as natural result of being brothers.. funny.. people are so kind and helpfull.. nice.. i love them.. we went out after work.. had couple drinks.. i can not think about anything except room for rent... anyway.. came home like 4 am.. just jumped to the couch.. 
Sunday morning 7 am.. woke up with the doors voice.. Burak came... I tried to wake myself up and just jumped out of the bed.. dressed.. went out from house and just rented the first room i can.. 
I am staying with a nice brazilian girl.. Elif is staying next door.. an italian- spanish couple lives other room.. downstairs there is a room 3 indian and a french guy live.. so we are 9.... Stephane, Fulla, Amanda, Elif, me, Arnou, Amir, and two Indian guys I dont remember their names.. 
I was sad and confused last night.. I went to that pub Ian showed me before.. I met some people.. Daniella was a cool nice girl.. Michael is an asian australian guy.. He was begging for a date.. they were funny.. I need friends.. 
Elly was here today because she wander about me when i said i just moved as an emergency.. She asked, I told her the shit story.. She stayed with me all day long.. 
After all, everything is like go up and down.. up and down.. yes I have right to complain.. But I knew that’s not gonna be super easy.. I am Ok.. I came here to live all these and survive.. I am going to survive.. No worries.. 
I missed you guys.. not istanbul.. not my family.. I badly deadly missed you.. 
By the way, Erdem Iserli, the first thing i saw in sysdney was the building of Earnst and young... 

This where I live for now....check on the google map..
267 Goulburn street sydney (the light green one)
These are where I work for now...
CRU54 Faveux Street 
And
Olivo Restaurant Darling Harbour Sydney

1 mayıs gece atarı

"naturel" kelimesini kullananlara fena gıcıgım mesela.. "diyalektik" diyince de bir ürperme geliyor.. konuşurken bu şimdiki zaman çekimi "yor" un "r" si söylenince de tokadı basasım geliyorrr.. telefonlarıma mesajlarıma yanıt verilmezse mesela aşağılık bir intikam duygusu kaplıyor içimi sezar.
devlet elimden tutup bayrama götürdü beni bu sene.. yanaklarımdan öptü, popoma bi şaplak atıp hadi koş oyna dedi.. koştum koşmasına da çok midem bulanıyor anlıyor musun? güzel insanlar vardı orada.. anarşistler siyah bayrakları ve yakışıklı uzun saçlı abileriyle, feministler mor üzeri çiçekli afişleriyle, illlegal olmayı seven kürtler yüzlerinde maskeyle, bandista elime tutuşturduğu cd si ile, amcam bira ve sigarası ile, dün antepten getirip paylaştığım antep fıstıkları ile elimde kalan sendika bayrakları ile güzeldi güzel olmasına ama işte.. canın illa kavga mı istiyor dedim kendime.. değil inan.. sadece, içime sinmiyor.. ağlanacak halimize gülüyoruz, onlar da bize gülüyor işte..
bitmesin diye okumuyorum kitabı.. bitmesin, ben de okumayayım e bitse de okuyamıyorum bitmese de, bir daha mı okusam, okuyayım ama hemen değil, arada başka bi kitap okuyayım, o zaman bitireyim, ama hemen de bitmesin, bi kaç sayfa okuyup bırakayım, dayanamam okurum çok az kaldı bitiriveririm sonra, o zaman bu gece de okumayayım yarın okurum... diye diye okuyamıyorum sayın okuyucu, ne dersin bu halime?