close your eyes

I want to stay with my toughts..
  this fight is eternal with myslef I guess..
now... what about future? what can I do for you, hopeless enormous humankind?
I'm gonna have essential conditions to rise a child and I am gonna adopt one.. I would love to have a chocolate skin artist one.. hahaha there was a TV show when I was a child, the speaker used to announs the next singer if he/she was a black, chocolate skin artist Sharon Jones..... hah.. dont be that much kind.. why are you mentioning about skin colour anyway?
today its fullmoon again.. and I am in period again..happy women workers day then.. damn.. why are we even talking about it? I dream a world is sexuality is just mentioned when there is a need to be identify someone physicaly......
back to the future plans..
I have been thinking about that for a long time, what about create a volunteer nurse club and visit eastern Turkey regularly and give them family planning education.. basic cooking and hygen education.. like how to make cheese without salmonella.. like how to keep vegitables vitamins when cooking.. how to treat diarrhea...free...no politic or goverment support.. and books to children.. and theatre nights for them.. movie nights for them.. free music lessons.. and a jacket in winter.. an icecream truck in summer.. and we need a kurdish translater too..
no propaganda no comment.. just pure informartion.. information is gonna save us I think..
I realised that I see things and people dont see them in the same way I do..
I want to be inspired.. I want to be inspired. I want to be inspired by a song.. by an artist.. by a picture.. by a tree.. by intelligent blue eyes in an handsome face.. and I want to have him by my side.. not for me, for my side..
inspire me.. teach me.. show me.. tell me about your dreams.. tell me about things you hate.. warn me.. share with me.. cook for me.. ask me about my hate.. ask me about my passion.. try my clothes.. run with me.. beat me..

adın ne reşit, kendin söyle kendin işit..

ne salakça yaa, sana yanlış bir şey yapıyorsun havası veriyor aklı sıra..blogumu açınca beliren o kocaman kıpkırmızı harflerle bu siteye erişim yasaklanmıştır yazısı.  hadi ordan..
dns ayarları var internette arastırın bulun.. 

ay içim geçmiş...

gözlerimin altını beyaza dudaklarımı ve tırnaklarımı kırmızıya boyasam da değişmez.. 3 saat uyusam da aynı 13 saat uyusam da..
adam bana çaya gelmişti, ne tatlı.. çay içip sohbet ettik.. gerçek değilse de değil...

yazacaklar fena birikti.. zaman bulamıyorum lafına çok özenirdim çocukken.. nasıl olmaz insanın zamanı derdim.. o kadar sıkılıyordum ki.. yapacak o kadar çok şeyim olsa ki zamanım yok desem diyordum, al sana iş.. yap hadi..
 
eskiden saçma sapan kanallar, dannn diye bir bas piyano ile kocaman kocaman çayda bilmem ne varmış derdi.. gülerdik, anasını satayım sanki cayda kıyamet alameti var gibi, habere bak derdik..
bir kaç haftadır haberleri izlemek yürek istiyor.. hep öyleydi ama gercek kıyamet Japonya'da, Libya'da kopuyor.. bu da bizim evrimimiz işte, fazla çoğaldık, yakarak yıkarak kendimizle birlikte dünyayı da sileceğiz galaksi tarihinden.. hayır adı kıyamet olacak ona sinir oluyorum..

ey inananlar,
size sesleniyorum, bayrakları, sınırları tanrı göndermedi!!!!! bunu bildiğim için hiç bir bayrak ya da hiç bir toprak parçasının kutsal olamayacağını da biliyorum..

ey ruh geldiysen üç kere tıkla..

kafamı bozuyorlar

kurcalıyorlar, kurcalıyorlar, bir vida fazla çıka çıka al işte, soluğu psikiyatristte aldım.. aldım da ne fayda;
doktor: al sana ilaç..
ben: (ne diyorsun), bi hapla yeniden yemek yiyebilceğim yani?
dr: evet
ben: peki, ilaçsız olmaz mı? sebepleri önemli değil mi? nasıl başladığını sormadınız...
dr: olmaz.. olsa da altı ay sürer, nasıl başladığı önemli değil..
ağlıyorum...
dr: size her şeyin ne kadar olumsuz göründüğünün farkındayım, bu bir hastalık ve tedavisi var..
ben: peki..
eczaneden ilacı aldım, içtim.. berbat bir uyku, berbat bir uyanış, bütün gün esnemek ve mide bulantısı.. tüm gün yarım bardak portakal suyu, bayılmak üzere iken yarım paket fındık krokant ve motorda bir adet nur topu gibi panik atağım oldu.. hahaha, panik yok, prospektüse yazmış adam.. hepsi yan etkilerde mevcut.. bir de internette kullananların bırakmaya çalışırken yaşadıkları var.. ooo, bu ne be, attım gitti çöpe.. allahım sen soktun, sen çıkar.. ertesi gün daha iyiydim, sevgilimle barıştık, geçti hepsi.. şimdi orda sotede bekliyor, hissediyorum, söyledikleri doğru mu kurgu mu hala bilmiyorum.. ama acıkıyorum, yiyorum, uyuyorum, hissediyorum.. çalışmamak tembellikten.. e daha noolsun..

bir muhtelif gıda olarak muz.. masamda delirmiş bir mor menekşe, anne sevgisine ithafen..

my legend.. my hero.. my grandfather.. papa.. dedecim..

the souls of heaven are stars at night.. they will guide us on our way untill we meet again another day... 

I have no choice other than believe.. 

He was a legend.. Everyone know him.. once upon a time when he was young, he left his left eye.. everytime i asked, he told another story.. I still dont know what happened.. only thing i know, he was able to see before they took his eye at hospital.. since then he never trust to doctors again.. till last year he had never gone to hospital.. never taken an aspirin.. he had leaves, trees and weeds for different treatments.. if you have headache he used to go for a walk and come back with some plants to eat or chew or make a tea..

he was a bee ozz.. he use to took honey from hive without mask and protection.. bees wouldnt touch him.. when he see an injured angry bee on the ground he would took and play with it just to show me there was no reason to be scare... 

he used to go to spring land by his own for 3 months.. he cook.. he make his chees, yogurt.. 

he used to like this his own big plate and big spoon.. he used to hate anything but butter.. he wouldt eat packed tomato sos.. he wouldnt eat anything prepared at factory.. 

when I wakeup at 8 am i used to see him outside, already checked all gardens, all animal and having a little rest before meet his friends.. 

once he put a swing for me on a small mandarin tree.. I couldnt trust to thin tree brunch to carry me.. he sit on swing, tree stretched wide with his weight.. it was nearly touching to ground.. he was swinging and laughing at me...

he always would buy the biggest watermelon  he can.. my grandmoher get mad about that.. he used to cut it half and put on the floor and give me spoon.. i would eat the sweetest middle part with spoon first.. then everyone could have some..  

i decided to be a vegetarien once.. my diet was succesful till i get to farm.. he just told me to eat meet and i did... I wouldnt say no to him.. i could but i wouldnt.. 

he would never forget to have sometime, everyday, with all animals we have, one by one.. he would love them he would talk with them.. 

if i am there he used to come with anoher fruit every evening.. even if we dont need more.. 

i think i was 5, we had this mother chicken with many little chicks.. i couldnt catch little chicks, mother was so deffensive naturally.. he locked them in to the barn, caught one of them for me, hitten, scratched and bitten by mother but did not mind, gave me the little chick just because i wanted to touch.. 

when he was praying, i used to stand next to him and imitate him.. 

i wanted to go to this religious course once..i was 8 or 9 years old all my friends were going.. he said ok.. i went 2 days.. then the mosque person said that i had to cover my arms and legs... i told papa.. he was so angry.. yelling and swearing to the mosque guy.. that was my last day in the mosque.. 

he used to drink cold really cold water.. many times he send back the water he said it is warm..

he build a huge big family.. this large farm.. and us.. our personality.. he gave us a life..

he lost his son, his granddaughter, his wife.. 

his only one green grey beatiful eye was my deepest ocean the most beautiful one in the world.. 

and he left us..

i cant even say good bye...

whats happening in oya s daily life in sydney....

so finally i decided to better write then reading facebook status (:
its gonna be disordered. hope you dont mind :)
i learnt ride a bike as i said before..
 i baought a bike..
 petrol green.. hybrid..
pictures soon cause i ordered a camera this week.. anyway..
i got a proper (as a bartender) job finally cause i was about to kill that cheff.. i worked a lot, saved some money.. spent all lol (((:  i have to quit this job soon cause my visa says 6 months with same employee.. i did not find another job.. so i am a bit worried these days.. sure i will be fine... have save some more..
i did ielts test once.. got 6.5.. gonna do again in 18th february.. need 7 for registration on nursing board of nsw..
i fell of by bike nearly 4 months ago.. still have some scars but its getting better.. i did not touch my bike since then.. first i couldnt flex or extent my knee... so weeks later i was ok to ride but it was raining mostly or i was going out.. and at the pub i work, i couldnt keep my bike down in the cellar.. and thats why it became unfortunatelly a furniture in the holl.. well.. nice one at least (: no i am joking..  gonna go back soon to ride :)
i have seen many bands..hımm..
foster the people,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDTZ7iX4vTQ&ob=av2e
kocani orkestar,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dre8zZHEH5s
many local jazz bands, my favorites are
the fast stuff
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5bcrj6dSBM
the midnight tea party
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SrYXPdJ5JKI
at the peats ridge festival many local bands my favorites were
salmonella dub
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8KaDlqyOxI
tijuana cartel... this one was the my best exploration
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEotsJ7mnAA
does it offend you yeah..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOHg-2ZtGl8
Manu Chao :)) there is no need for a youtube link i think :)
Mike Patton.. i did not remember first then my flat mate made my mind.. thanks Matt :) i think you all know Faith No More...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zaUrzMeS4xg
i am proudly anoncing that I PLANTED A PEACH TREE to our backyard :))) i have a tree finally.. pictures soon again..
my daily life is quite good.. i adore my flat mates.. living with boys can be dirty sometimes but all good.. and i love their girlfriends as well.. i am soo fucking lcky about that.. cause i have these cool people around which is always fun and awsome :) we have this huge back yard noone really take care.. so it a kinda forest :)
my room is small but i have a wardrop and double bed and a booksshelf.. they all free from friends.. and they helped to carry them to my room aswell.. and believe me having your own cheap room with cool flatmates is a big luxuary in sydney..
soon bars restaurants and night life is gonna be here..