Dyls Istanbul view..

(watching a tv show and there were about 20 cats on the scene)
me-     where did they get all those cats from?
d-        Istanbul..
me-     what?
d-        Istanbuls streets.. thats where all the cats coming from...
me-      hahahahahahahahahahahah

salak!!!

hem bakımlı hem entellektüel olcam diye tırnaklarıma oje sürüp kurumasını beklerken de birşeyler okudum.. çünkü yaşım yakın zamanda 3l ü rakamlarla (3 HANELİ DEĞİL ULEN!! 3 LÜ YETERİNCE SİNİR BOZUCU) anılmaya başlamış olsa da halen oje tırnakta düzgünce kurutulamıyor olmuyor!!!.. ancak ve ancak oturup hiçbirşey yapmayacak şekilde kendimi oyalayabilirsem oluyor ve netekim stumbleupon un yardımı oluyor..

bu şey li olanların hangileri ayrı hangileri birleşik yazılıyordu? kural anlam kaybı idi ama gene de karıştırıyorum.. biz de alamancı türkçesi mi konuşacağız alla muhafaza aayyyyyy...

çüçeği dötünde eşimin eski sevgilisi nihayet evden çıkıyor.. birlikte yaşıyorlardı önceden.. ev güzel, biz devam edelim dedik.. ben de yavaş yavaş yerleşiyorum.. diyorum ohh çıktı hayatımızdan.. 

derken zaaart üç kapı aşağıdaki eve taşınıyor.. 100 metre var yok aramız lan... gel dellenme...

sinirlerime hakim oluyorum.. 

üstüne geçen akşam merhaba komşuuuu deyip çıka geliyorlar .. 

üstüne eşimi evlerini görmeye çağırıyor haspam.. arkadasından da bu hanımın ev arkadaşı, son zamanlarda da boşanmalar çok arttı deyip peşpeşe isimleri sıralıyor.. 

çakır keyfi geçeli olmuş biraz.. paranoyalar var bitkisel katkılardan kaynaklı.. zaten rahatsızım durumdan..

benim kalp atışları tepeme doğru hissedilince diyorum nefes al.. nefes ver.. 

burası medeni memleket..  öyle 'saçını başını yolarım kızım senin' gibimsi kasımpaşa ayakları burda fazla saygı görmese gerek diyorum.. odama kaçıyorum.. sevdicek arkamdan geliyor.. 

canın mı sıkkın hayatım? yok canım ne münasebet... beni güldürmeye çalışıyor.. başarıyor da.. ikimiz de sarhoşuz zaten..

daha bişi olursa yazarım.. olmaz işalla ama olursa yazarım..

hadi benim blogum da günlüğe dönsün bakalım noolcek.. 

THE BAND S VISIT

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1032856/


              just remembered this movie after seeing Venezuela s soldiers on tv.. I heard that their army band is bigger than the army itself.. anyway...
this movie I m talking about.. You have to see it!!

deyip kaçtım..

eskiden biri polisten dayak yediğinde (en hafif tabiri bu olsa gerek) ya da gözaltına alındığında bu insanları bize çok uzak bulurdum, çok cesur olduklarını düşünürdüm..
şimdi arkadaşlarım, arkadaşlarımın kuzenleri, köyümün öğretmenleri derken yanımda yamacımda tanıdığım bildiğim insanların kemikleri kırılıyor, öldürülüyor, gözaltına alınıp türkiyenin bir ucuna götürülüyor.. tanıyorum onları..
hiçbir yasadışı örgüte mensup değiller.. ellerine asla silah almadılar.. "Türkiye'yi bölelim" gibi bir niyetleri asla olmadı.. en fazla panzere çıktılar, bağırdılar, slogan attılar.. biri mezarda, diğeri hastanede, öbürü Erzurum'da hapiste.. militan değiller.. terörist değiller.. kominist bile değiller.. humanist ya da sosyalist olabilirler en fazla.. çevreci olabilirler.. yurtlarını topraklarını herkesten çok sevebilirler en fazla..
şimdi nasıl devam edeceğiz hayatınıza.. daha ne kadar arkamızı dönebileceğiz olan bitene..

to keep my mind there...

my entire life is in the rip with a coper... brave.. shaking.. cold.. never needed a beer like this before.. there is no wild animals here.. all my paranoia and madness and darkness that i tired to hide from you.. he has balls to stay.. so do i..

dellenme 1

ay içim geçmiş diyemiyorum mesela.. anlamıyorlar burda.. hay anasını diyemiyorum.. köpek gibi çalışıyoruz diyemiyorum.. sensiz olmaz diyemiyorum.. sıfatına senin diyemiyorum.. şaşırdın mı sen diyemiyorum.. elimin tersini yersin diyemiyorum.. karalar bağladım telli turnam bizim ele git..

summary of the last 18 months..

Great Australian Dream by Bernhardine Mueller - Copper Plate Etching/Acquatint (Miniature)

everyone said how brave I was.. I didnt believe that.. not totaly at least.. if you feel that choke in your throat, you understand you have to die or survive.. and both are not quite easy.. I couldn't breath..
 I did want to be able to live there with my beautiful friends and family.. and the land that smell of it's soil is recorded in every single cell of my memory..
so I did want to live there.. I cried just when I was packing up my library.. I was proud of it.. every single book still in my mind.. and every single movie.. every night when I lay down to my bed, they said something and I fall asleep when by thinking about it..
and I cried when my friend left behind the security line.. and seeing on the world map how fucking far we were going away from my mother.. she is the amazing lonely soul of my family...

well.. I came here.. had to fight for my life.. I had help.. I had trouble too.. I had bad days and good days.. just like I did in Turkey..
just..
 when you walk on the street, you have time to think and space to walk without crashing into anyone.. you have a sit in trains.. and machinist apologises if the train was late..
you may be drunk in the middle of the night and having a drink in a pub by yourself and wearing a tiny skirt.. that doesn't mean you are a slut here.. It doesn't mean you deserve sticky drunks all over you.. you can walk around with your bikini top and noone really cares.. Drag queens or gays don't get killed here.. girls don't get touched by freaks on the busy streets.. not many people spit their disgusting green mucus with a water pipe cleaning noise from throat..
beautiful nature... I haven't seen any wild koala or kangoroo... I saw few poisoness snakes and spiders.. never heard anyone killed or bitten or even frighten by sharks...
after a couple of horrible, couple of good flirts, non of them worked fortunatelly 'cause I fell in love with this guy.. about to test him by leaving behind and going to Turkey... and he said he wouldn't let that happen.. and he would follow...

super fast purposal and small wedding ceremony at the beach.. then my mum and family.. and a big wedding in Turkey too.. happy ever after..
quiting smoking and money issues don't help but we are hanging in there.. being grateful to having eachother.. and I am missing my friends and family.. I have friends and family here too.. not the same though..

güneş enerjisi

kertenkele gibi koltuğun güneş gelen yerlerine uzuvları sermek bugün günlerden.. elleri ve düşünceyi serbest bırakıyorum.
içimde sakin bir ses.. güzel manzaralara kuş bakışı.. her şey yolunda diyor.. her şey yolunda diye tekrar ediyorum.. kendime karşı acımasız olduğum zamanlarda azarladığım ellerimle ellerimi çiziyorum yeniden yeniden beğenmeyip yeniden.. sessizce bekleyen..
ıslık kanat su damlası ve yeşil koku.. tatlı serin, olgun.. uçuşan şeytan tüyleri ve meleğimsi tozlar..  o kadar sakinim ki uykuya bakıyorum tam sırtımda, güneşin yaktığı yere oturmuş.. ağırlığı giderek yavaşlatıyor beni.. rüyamı bekliyorum........

ielts

yazamıyorum ak işte ingilizce.. ne yazsam yalan geliyo yapmacık geliyo gözüme.. nası alcaz o puanı da bilemiyorum.. biraz daha okuyalım en iyisi..

issue

I dont like writing in english.. everything I write seem fake.. I can't make jokes. I'm not able to describe exactly what I mean. and when i read what I write they all look strange cause they are not my toughts. They are a immature older ladys bullshits.. not my toughts but my writings.. I nevertheless keep trying. I have to..

elephants and grass

I want to scream sometmes.. I am heeereeeeeeee.. I don't know why or for who.. sometimes I am chocking.. feel like weed.. you know don't you?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0252437/

dude

I have to learn how to fly first... I know how to fall. and i aint no fool dude :)

roots

roots my friend, roots.. if you don't consider, you have to fall on to the grass by first wind...

close your eyes

I want to stay with my toughts..
  this fight is eternal with myslef I guess..
now... what about future? what can I do for you, hopeless enormous humankind?
I'm gonna have essential conditions to rise a child and I am gonna adopt one.. I would love to have a chocolate skin artist one.. hahaha there was a TV show when I was a child, the speaker used to announs the next singer if he/she was a black, chocolate skin artist Sharon Jones..... hah.. dont be that much kind.. why are you mentioning about skin colour anyway?
today its fullmoon again.. and I am in period again..happy women workers day then.. damn.. why are we even talking about it? I dream a world is sexuality is just mentioned when there is a need to be identify someone physicaly......
back to the future plans..
I have been thinking about that for a long time, what about create a volunteer nurse club and visit eastern Turkey regularly and give them family planning education.. basic cooking and hygen education.. like how to make cheese without salmonella.. like how to keep vegitables vitamins when cooking.. how to treat diarrhea...free...no politic or goverment support.. and books to children.. and theatre nights for them.. movie nights for them.. free music lessons.. and a jacket in winter.. an icecream truck in summer.. and we need a kurdish translater too..
no propaganda no comment.. just pure informartion.. information is gonna save us I think..
I realised that I see things and people dont see them in the same way I do..
I want to be inspired.. I want to be inspired. I want to be inspired by a song.. by an artist.. by a picture.. by a tree.. by intelligent blue eyes in an handsome face.. and I want to have him by my side.. not for me, for my side..
inspire me.. teach me.. show me.. tell me about your dreams.. tell me about things you hate.. warn me.. share with me.. cook for me.. ask me about my hate.. ask me about my passion.. try my clothes.. run with me.. beat me..

adın ne reşit, kendin söyle kendin işit..

ne salakça yaa, sana yanlış bir şey yapıyorsun havası veriyor aklı sıra..blogumu açınca beliren o kocaman kıpkırmızı harflerle bu siteye erişim yasaklanmıştır yazısı.  hadi ordan..
dns ayarları var internette arastırın bulun.. 

ay içim geçmiş...

gözlerimin altını beyaza dudaklarımı ve tırnaklarımı kırmızıya boyasam da değişmez.. 3 saat uyusam da aynı 13 saat uyusam da..
adam bana çaya gelmişti, ne tatlı.. çay içip sohbet ettik.. gerçek değilse de değil...

yazacaklar fena birikti.. zaman bulamıyorum lafına çok özenirdim çocukken.. nasıl olmaz insanın zamanı derdim.. o kadar sıkılıyordum ki.. yapacak o kadar çok şeyim olsa ki zamanım yok desem diyordum, al sana iş.. yap hadi..
 
eskiden saçma sapan kanallar, dannn diye bir bas piyano ile kocaman kocaman çayda bilmem ne varmış derdi.. gülerdik, anasını satayım sanki cayda kıyamet alameti var gibi, habere bak derdik..
bir kaç haftadır haberleri izlemek yürek istiyor.. hep öyleydi ama gercek kıyamet Japonya'da, Libya'da kopuyor.. bu da bizim evrimimiz işte, fazla çoğaldık, yakarak yıkarak kendimizle birlikte dünyayı da sileceğiz galaksi tarihinden.. hayır adı kıyamet olacak ona sinir oluyorum..

ey inananlar,
size sesleniyorum, bayrakları, sınırları tanrı göndermedi!!!!! bunu bildiğim için hiç bir bayrak ya da hiç bir toprak parçasının kutsal olamayacağını da biliyorum..

ey ruh geldiysen üç kere tıkla..

kafamı bozuyorlar

kurcalıyorlar, kurcalıyorlar, bir vida fazla çıka çıka al işte, soluğu psikiyatristte aldım.. aldım da ne fayda;
doktor: al sana ilaç..
ben: (ne diyorsun), bi hapla yeniden yemek yiyebilceğim yani?
dr: evet
ben: peki, ilaçsız olmaz mı? sebepleri önemli değil mi? nasıl başladığını sormadınız...
dr: olmaz.. olsa da altı ay sürer, nasıl başladığı önemli değil..
ağlıyorum...
dr: size her şeyin ne kadar olumsuz göründüğünün farkındayım, bu bir hastalık ve tedavisi var..
ben: peki..
eczaneden ilacı aldım, içtim.. berbat bir uyku, berbat bir uyanış, bütün gün esnemek ve mide bulantısı.. tüm gün yarım bardak portakal suyu, bayılmak üzere iken yarım paket fındık krokant ve motorda bir adet nur topu gibi panik atağım oldu.. hahaha, panik yok, prospektüse yazmış adam.. hepsi yan etkilerde mevcut.. bir de internette kullananların bırakmaya çalışırken yaşadıkları var.. ooo, bu ne be, attım gitti çöpe.. allahım sen soktun, sen çıkar.. ertesi gün daha iyiydim, sevgilimle barıştık, geçti hepsi.. şimdi orda sotede bekliyor, hissediyorum, söyledikleri doğru mu kurgu mu hala bilmiyorum.. ama acıkıyorum, yiyorum, uyuyorum, hissediyorum.. çalışmamak tembellikten.. e daha noolsun..

bir muhtelif gıda olarak muz.. masamda delirmiş bir mor menekşe, anne sevgisine ithafen..

my legend.. my hero.. my grandfather.. papa.. dedecim..

the souls of heaven are stars at night.. they will guide us on our way untill we meet again another day... 

I have no choice other than believe.. 

He was a legend.. Everyone know him.. once upon a time when he was young, he left his left eye.. everytime i asked, he told another story.. I still dont know what happened.. only thing i know, he was able to see before they took his eye at hospital.. since then he never trust to doctors again.. till last year he had never gone to hospital.. never taken an aspirin.. he had leaves, trees and weeds for different treatments.. if you have headache he used to go for a walk and come back with some plants to eat or chew or make a tea..

he was a bee ozz.. he use to took honey from hive without mask and protection.. bees wouldnt touch him.. when he see an injured angry bee on the ground he would took and play with it just to show me there was no reason to be scare... 

he used to go to spring land by his own for 3 months.. he cook.. he make his chees, yogurt.. 

he used to like this his own big plate and big spoon.. he used to hate anything but butter.. he wouldt eat packed tomato sos.. he wouldnt eat anything prepared at factory.. 

when I wakeup at 8 am i used to see him outside, already checked all gardens, all animal and having a little rest before meet his friends.. 

once he put a swing for me on a small mandarin tree.. I couldnt trust to thin tree brunch to carry me.. he sit on swing, tree stretched wide with his weight.. it was nearly touching to ground.. he was swinging and laughing at me...

he always would buy the biggest watermelon  he can.. my grandmoher get mad about that.. he used to cut it half and put on the floor and give me spoon.. i would eat the sweetest middle part with spoon first.. then everyone could have some..  

i decided to be a vegetarien once.. my diet was succesful till i get to farm.. he just told me to eat meet and i did... I wouldnt say no to him.. i could but i wouldnt.. 

he would never forget to have sometime, everyday, with all animals we have, one by one.. he would love them he would talk with them.. 

if i am there he used to come with anoher fruit every evening.. even if we dont need more.. 

i think i was 5, we had this mother chicken with many little chicks.. i couldnt catch little chicks, mother was so deffensive naturally.. he locked them in to the barn, caught one of them for me, hitten, scratched and bitten by mother but did not mind, gave me the little chick just because i wanted to touch.. 

when he was praying, i used to stand next to him and imitate him.. 

i wanted to go to this religious course once..i was 8 or 9 years old all my friends were going.. he said ok.. i went 2 days.. then the mosque person said that i had to cover my arms and legs... i told papa.. he was so angry.. yelling and swearing to the mosque guy.. that was my last day in the mosque.. 

he used to drink cold really cold water.. many times he send back the water he said it is warm..

he build a huge big family.. this large farm.. and us.. our personality.. he gave us a life..

he lost his son, his granddaughter, his wife.. 

his only one green grey beatiful eye was my deepest ocean the most beautiful one in the world.. 

and he left us..

i cant even say good bye...

whats happening in oya s daily life in sydney....

so finally i decided to better write then reading facebook status (:
its gonna be disordered. hope you dont mind :)
i learnt ride a bike as i said before..
 i baought a bike..
 petrol green.. hybrid..
pictures soon cause i ordered a camera this week.. anyway..
i got a proper (as a bartender) job finally cause i was about to kill that cheff.. i worked a lot, saved some money.. spent all lol (((:  i have to quit this job soon cause my visa says 6 months with same employee.. i did not find another job.. so i am a bit worried these days.. sure i will be fine... have save some more..
i did ielts test once.. got 6.5.. gonna do again in 18th february.. need 7 for registration on nursing board of nsw..
i fell of by bike nearly 4 months ago.. still have some scars but its getting better.. i did not touch my bike since then.. first i couldnt flex or extent my knee... so weeks later i was ok to ride but it was raining mostly or i was going out.. and at the pub i work, i couldnt keep my bike down in the cellar.. and thats why it became unfortunatelly a furniture in the holl.. well.. nice one at least (: no i am joking..  gonna go back soon to ride :)
i have seen many bands..hımm..
foster the people,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDTZ7iX4vTQ&ob=av2e
kocani orkestar,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dre8zZHEH5s
many local jazz bands, my favorites are
the fast stuff
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5bcrj6dSBM
the midnight tea party
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SrYXPdJ5JKI
at the peats ridge festival many local bands my favorites were
salmonella dub
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8KaDlqyOxI
tijuana cartel... this one was the my best exploration
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEotsJ7mnAA
does it offend you yeah..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOHg-2ZtGl8
Manu Chao :)) there is no need for a youtube link i think :)
Mike Patton.. i did not remember first then my flat mate made my mind.. thanks Matt :) i think you all know Faith No More...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zaUrzMeS4xg
i am proudly anoncing that I PLANTED A PEACH TREE to our backyard :))) i have a tree finally.. pictures soon again..
my daily life is quite good.. i adore my flat mates.. living with boys can be dirty sometimes but all good.. and i love their girlfriends as well.. i am soo fucking lcky about that.. cause i have these cool people around which is always fun and awsome :) we have this huge back yard noone really take care.. so it a kinda forest :)
my room is small but i have a wardrop and double bed and a booksshelf.. they all free from friends.. and they helped to carry them to my room aswell.. and believe me having your own cheap room with cool flatmates is a big luxuary in sydney..
soon bars restaurants and night life is gonna be here..

5.05

unnecessary comparisons..
cans dont have this little finger thing to open it.. you always need a can opener..
 i should better sleep.. a new tattoo.. a camera.. a speaker.. a headphone.. a helmet.. a yellow glasses.. a new dress.. one more new dress..a plum tree.. a mango tree.. some strawberries..  new registarition.. agancy.. course..  fabrics.. a summer bag.. presents.. running.. capoeira.. turkish food from auburn.. röksopp tickets.. sydney fest tickets.. more music.. more movies....... travel.. travel.. travel.. new job.. new couch..